By Marty Rubin
Oh, the dog days of hockey are here. The cold sets in, the routine solidifies, and every week feels like another rink, another car ride. At this point in the season, the distance between coaches and parents can grow—often without reason. The holidays, however, create a natural chance to reconnect and include parents in their child’s long-term development in a meaningful, productive way.
Mid-season individual check-ins offer more than a simple show of care. They give coaches a chance to understand each player more deeply, with parents as partners and witnesses. These conversations reveal helpful insights for the second half of the season: learning styles, life changes, home dynamics, and what the player is looking forward to as they finish the year.
It’s also an ideal moment to reinforce ongoing coach–player conversations in front of parents—self-belief (you have more in you, I know it!), core values (this is how we behave or carry ourselves), self-advocacy (you can come talk to me when you have questions or need something, this is how you do it), and handling adversity (it’s scary/challenging sometimes, that’s okay!). Parents gain a clearer picture of what happens daily at the rink, and coaches strengthen their partnership with the adults who support these young athletes.
Just like with players, building goodwill with parents pays off. When challenges or misunderstandings arise, a parent who has recently experienced a compassionate, productive conversation is more likely to approach the coach with curiosity rather than criticism.
Set clear ground rules for the meeting:
“Today we’re talking about you as a person more than a player. We’re focusing on process, not results. We’re not discussing wins and losses, other players, or coaching decisions. I’ll listen, be transparent, and show care through both accountability and praise. I’d love to hear from you (player) as much as possible—take your time. What do you want me to know before we begin?”
Helpful open-ended questions:What have you learned so far this season?
What challenges have you faced?
What challenges do you expect in the second half?
What are you proud of?
What are you hard on yourself about?
How can the coaching staff support you better?
What’s something I don’t know about you that you’d like me to know?
Be sure to reinforce the positives you already see—effort, energy, teamwork, curiosity, humor. Close with a pledge to incorporate what you’ve learned into practices, games, interactions, and team dynamics. Always ask if there’s anything else they’d like to add.
These conversations can be turning points. For players, they reset trust and can improve both attitude and performance. For parents, they reinforce a growth mindset and help clear away the short-term thinking that often creates friction during a long season.
Coaches, schedule your mid-season check-ins before the holidays—and you’ll get far more out of them than you expect.
